Recently, I visited Goa in search of land for my Retreat Centre, a pursuit that I have been following for years. Despite my efforts, none of the land I saw matched the vision I held.
In this quest, I got in touch with Belinda, a wonderful massage therapist, who has been instrumental in helping me bring a shift in energies.
As we prepared for our session, I confided in her about my realization—I feel, it is time to let go of the dream I have nurtured for nearly 12 years.
During the session, a whirlwind of emotions stirred within me. Overwhelmed by grief, I allowed myself to float within it, seeking clarity from the spiritual realm. Visions emerged, and I stumbled upon a long-suppressed aspect of my past: the grief of losing an unborn child due to an abortion 27 years ago. This grief was processed by me intellectually in the past as a part of me was numb wanting to get over it.
Guided by the SPIRIT, I was urged to grieve not just for the loss of my child but also for the dream I just lost.
It’s intriguing, isn’t it? We seldom acknowledge the loss of a dream; the emphasis is always on looking forward. Yet, this loss affects us deeply, and often, we bypass its impact.
As I grieved for my unborn child and the dream. A layer of my ego dissolution unravelled. Just a month ago, I had released all my roles in a powerful Fire Ceremony.
Amidst this grief, my lower ego surfaced, presenting certain aspects of myself that needed attention. Two dear students humbly expressed feeling equal to me within a span of 24 hours.
When the first person said it, I didn’t think much. But when the second person also said the same thing, it really bothered me.
I found myself irrationally upset and withdrew into isolation. However, after some introspection, I realized that my ego was wounded.
It felt like a sudden fall from a high point to rock bottom. How did I ever think it would be easy to break the FALSE EGO?
There is a smile on my face because there couldn’t have been a better way to break my lower EGO into pieces and transcend it because I took so much pride in being a mentor and a Teacher.
They showed me that I am both insignificant and immensely powerful.
This experience, by these two individuals, taught me the profound art of surrender. It was a true lesson in surrender, and I deeply honour their role in this journey.
To transcend this energy, I turned to my rattle and created a Shamanic Sand painting to allow this transformative journey to progress.
While I can still feel the grief, I’m not rushing the healing process. I’ve chosen to allow these emotions their space for acknowledgement, which in turn honours my own experience.
I know that I have more lessons to learn and a long way to go before the complete surrender takes place. There will be times when the LOWER EGO will show up again as the healing is never linear.
But I am also aware and grateful that SPIRIT has always caught me every time I fell. It shows me a mirror to reflect and grow.
I’m excited and grateful for what’s coming next.