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For the longest time, my relationship with money was… twisted.
When I got married, I carried a hidden sense of shame around not earning.
Even though I was showing up every single day — caring for our home, raising our son, being present — a part of me felt I wasn’t contributing enough.
I over-gave.
I overdid.
I cut corners on things I wanted for myself.
Not because I had to — but because I felt I needed to earn my place, my worth, and the money my husband, Debasish, brought in.
It was unspoken… until one day, he sat me down and said something that changed everything.
“We are both equal in this relationship.
If I go out and earn, you hold the fort at home.
I can only do what I do because you take care of what matters.”
I heard him.
I really did. But it took time for his words to land in my body.
To settle into my nervous system.
To rewrite the old belief that only money equals value.
Even when I started working as a healer and facilitator, I struggled.
Charging for my sessions felt uncomfortable. I wanted to contribute, but I felt unsure of my own value.
It was as if my self-worth was hanging on a few nails — fragile, shaky, uncertain.
I confused self-worth with ego.
And I was scared of becoming “too full of myself.”
So I clung to the praise my students gave me.
I felt guilty for charging because “people were going through tough times.”
So I over-gave — and later found myself exhausted, frustrated, and wondering why I wasn’t earning enough.
What I didn’t realise then was this:
Ego is not about feeling ‘too much.’
Ego is also what keeps you small.
It’s the voice that says,
“You should give more.”
“You don’t deserve to charge that much.”
“You are not there yet.”
“Stay humble. Stay low.”
But humility isn’t about making yourself small.
Humility is being flexible.
It’s being rooted in who you are — and honouring your path, your work, and the wisdom Spirit has planted in you.
That’s where self-worth lives.
In knowing the years of inner work, the investments, the sweat, the breakdowns and breakthroughs — all matter.
Self-worth isn’t loud. It doesn’t scream.
It simply whispers:
“You are allowed to be seen.
You are allowed to be paid.
And the right clients will come, not because you are looking for them…
But because Spirit is weaving it all together.”
Today, I stand here — still learning, still healing — but much clearer.
Money is no longer the enemy.
It is no longer something I chase or fear.
It is simply energy.
A reflection.
An exchange.
A tool for honouring time, my presence and transformation.
And this clarity has allowed me to give and receive with so much love and joy.
And maybe…
Just maybe…
By sharing my story, I offer you a mirror.
If you have ever felt the guilt of charging,
If you have ever over-given to feel worthy,
If you have ever wondered if you are enough without money in hand —
I want you to know:
You are already whole.
You don’t need to prove anything.
Start with one tiny step toward yourself.
And let that be enough… for now.
With love,
Swati