It’s my yearly ritual to take a step back from everything I’m doing and reflect on what I wish to release, invite, and learn.
The last month of this year has been quite a roller coaster for me, and I thought I was taking a break. Surely, there were minimal interactions with clients, but my internal dialogue had surfaced big time.
All the existential questions came up:
Why am I alive?
Am I even contributing to society or the world?
What if I died today—what impression or mark would I leave on the world?
Have I done enough? Surely not.
Then came the bigger question: How do I serve? How do I bring my gifts to the world with love and compassion?
My Art therapist was offering a Group exercise for the Year-end session so I turned to painting, and the process itself was revealing. It was a group painting session where four of us participated, each using one brush and choosing a personal primary colour.
As I observed myself painting in the group, I noticed I was hesitant to enter others’ spaces. Yet, I was very happy and intrigued by how others contributed to the canvas.
Eventually, the result was beautiful, and our group was delighted. At the same time, I knew something was brewing within me, and sure enough, within the next 10 days, much was revealed about myself.
A couple of incidents forced me to look at people in a different light. They made me realize how some people only cared for themselves, showing no respect for my contributions to their lives. I felt cheated, hurt, and foolish for standing by them for years, always being present.
I raged, fumed, and vented. Thankfully, Debasish (my husband) was around, so I spewed all the venom in front of him (not at him, thankfully). When my anger finally settled, I sat down to understand what these incidents were trying to teach me.
Aren’t we in this world of duality, where everything operates on the principles of give and take?
How do I not expect anything from people at all?
In any business transaction, if the terms of exchange are unclear, the business is unlikely to succeed. Similarly, any relationship based solely on giving can only go so far.
So, what happened here? what am I supposed to do in such situations?
The answer came loud and clear:
People we think are selfish are often just very clear about their requirements. They don’t care how their actions affect others—Some are operating from their survival instincts, Some are very clear about their boundaries and their priorities. Also, they stick to what works for them first and then turn to others to cater for their needs.
If my expectation is for them to behave outside of their character, then my expectation is unrealistic. Their behaviour is not.
Then, how do I manage myself in these situations?
Spirit whispered: Figure out your requirements and cater to them.
This was not the first time I encountered this lesson. A situation 5-6 years ago had revealed the same truth about a few people. While I learned a lot back then, I chose to take an entirely different path from that experience. I operated from a place of not wanting to hurt others. Choosing a quiet exit from the situation purely out of courtesy and also social conditioning.
Expectations, in themselves, are not bad if they are part of a healthy, mutual exchange of love and expression, recognized by both sides. However, if the equation is imbalanced, complications are inevitable.
So now, I am digging deeper into the fundamental question:
What are my requirements, and how do I fulfil them while being true to myself?
This time, I am committed to fulfilling my needs in an elevated manner—of course! not at the cost of others but putting myself first.
If you enjoyed this and wish to work on yourself, read the blog:
The Circle of Expectations